Internalized Homophobia, The Books I Read, & My Journey to Accepting My Queer Identity: Guest Post by Val @ The V Word

Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing well and staying healthy! Since it is pride month, I wanted to use this space to boost LGBTQ+ voices. The first guest poster is Val from The V Word! She is such a sweet soul. I thoroughly enjoyed reading through her post, and I hope you do too! Enough of me talking, let’s hear from Val!

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So, I was given this chance to write a guest post for the first time ever. And I want to take this opportunity to talk about my experience with LBGTQ+ books and the community. To be completely honest, before these past couple of months I hadn’t read, or actively sought, queer books. I think it had to do with the fact that

1. I am not out to any of my irls (except my sister) and
2. My own internalized homophobia.

It’s taken me a while to find the root of why I wasn’t comfortable when reading about LGBTQ+ relationships. I got to this conclusion: my entire life I was fed the idea that queer people were “funny”, “confused”, “lack a sense of identity”. I mean, just days ago (from the time I’m writing this) my mother told me she thought my generation is hyper-sexualized and lost with no true sense of identity. I remember being younger and asking if I could like women. I was told no, I’m too young to decide things like that, when in reality, I guess I’ve always known.

It was recently, when I found out my sister is just like me that I thought maybe it’s okay.  Maybe I’m not crazy for wanting this. Maybe I don’t have to be afraid. I mean, my sister is literally my biggest hero and role model. She taught me to be kind, smart, strong, and to know what I deserve and take nothing less. So, when she told me she was just like me, I didn’t feel so alone anymore, I felt safe and valid.

So, I opened myself to reading more than just cishet relationships. And it’s been a ride. I read some books with slight LGBTQ+ representation, like Six of Crows and such. After that, I grew hungry for more, though for some reason I still wasn’t 100% comfortable with WLW stories (still working on it) which is crazy because well…I’m a woman…who also likes….women…So, I started reading other things.

My first MLM book was Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. This was my first 100% queer read. And I loved it. I loved all the fluff and all the cute stuff in it. And ever since then I’ve started actively seeking and reading more and more LGBTQ+ books. It’s literally all I want to read now! It’s still a struggle, though, because I’m constantly fighting this feeling of awkwardness and discomfort, but I’m making progress! I’m learning so many new things about myself and about the community. I can’t wait to tackle my Pride TBR, which, I plan to extend past June, and make it a year long thing!

Here is my Pride TBR for June:

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

Ace of Shades by Amanda Foody

King of Fools by Amanda Foody

There Will Come A Darkness by Katy Rose Pool

The Midnight Lie by Marie Rutkoski

Infinity Son by Adam Silvera

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender

These Witches Don’t Burn by Isabel Sterling

Heartstopper Vol. 1 by Alice Oseman

The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon

Truthwitch by Susan Dennard

Like a Love Story by Abdi Nazemian

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Hi! My name is Valentina, (yes, like the hot sauce). I am 20 years old, currently living in Texas. I was originally born in Mexico, where I lived for sixteen years. I moved to the United States before the beginning of my junior year in high school. I am now about to start my junior year in college (YAY) where I am pursuing a BFA in Studio Art with a concentration in Drawing. I was previously planning on also completing a Minor in Business, but I decided to postpone it to better focus on my other classes. I still plan to go back and finish it, though. My goal is to one day be able to open my own studio, hence the minor, but before I do that, I want to work as an illustrator in…. take a guess….YES! Books! It is my dream (I know, lame) to work as an illustrator for books and comics and maybe even the entertainment industry. But books…that would be a dream come true, to work reading and illustrating book covers. You can find my book blog at TheVWordcom.wordpress.com

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Thank you so much for sharing your story and writing this post, Val! I enjoyed reading it so much. Do you have a similar story to Val’s? Do you remember the first LGBTQ+ book you read? Do you have any other LGBTQ+ book recommendations for Val? Let us know in the comments! I can’t wait to chat with y’all!